How to Get Laid

How To Get Laid By a Woman

1. Make Sure You Have Game

   Looking the part is very important!  You need to look, feel, smell, and sound like a badass.  So like in sports its really a mental thing, prepare yourself like would as if you were going to be competing in a game.  First prepare your body do a work out a couple of hours before you go out, this will make you look a little bigger and boost your confidence.  Look at yourself in the mirror while you are getting ready and check yourself out while chanting something like “Your gonna get it tonight mother fucker! Yeah you know you’re hot shit.”  Make sure you smell good, put deodorant on your pubic hair, and douse your body in lotion (girls like soft skin).  Make sure your clothes and underwear are clean, new, ironed, and MATCH.  Having an up to date hairstyle is extremely important, this will give you the cool factor and if you don’t know what to get just tell your hair stylist to make you look cool, and guys don’t go to great clips, a nice haircut should cost around $50.

2. Scout Your Prey

   Timing is everything!  Women that hang out at the bar around 2 a.m. by themselves are there because they want to be picked up. Keep in mind that usually women in this situation are not looking for a boyfriend they are just looking for a quick fuck for many different reasons, maybe they just got out of a relationship, maybe they are a nymphomaniac, or maybe they are just lonely.  Whatever the reason make sure that you make her feel good about being there.  You have to let her know that you have seen her by flashing the I want to fuck you look, but only do once and do it good.  After that ignore her, you want her to approach you, if you can’t get her to approach you then you wont be able to get her into bed either.

3. Go In For The Pounce

   Once she comes up to you offer to buy her a drink.  If she seems really drunk suggest that she drink some water too.  This will show her that you are not a complete asshole which will make her trust you a little more and make it more likely that she will trust to be alone with you.  Also you don’t want the girl to be drunk in the bedroom or she will just lie there like a limp rag-doll.  After she gets the drink spark up a little conversation, it is best to be sexually suggestive.  Talk about Kama Sutra or fetishes, and ask her what here favorite positions.  If you can get her talking about sex she will be thinking about it too and this will lead to you leaving the bar together.

4. Score That Touchdown

   Once the bar closes up shop suggest that she accompany you either to an after party, or just back your house.  The after party suggestion should only be used if you think you need more convincing time, but you don’t want to stay out too late because she may get too tired and call the whole thing off.  Buy her something on the way home, even if its just a bottle of water, this will make her feel like she is being cared for.  Once you get to your place put on some sexy music, you know music that makes you want to fuck.  One great song that I know girls love is by Garbage - “I Would Die For You” this will get them in the mood for sure.  Do not tell her you love her, tell her that you want her and that you need here right there and now.  Tell her that you want to experience the universe sexually with her and assist her in reaching orgasmic ecstasy.    She will then jump on you!

5. Finally Get Laid

   Yes you are finally getting laid.  Awesome, now if your goal is just to get off then do your thing and be done.  But if you get pleasure from also pleasing her pay attention to her responses.  The first time you have sex wit a girl can be awkward if you don’t know each others wants and needs, but if you are extremely observant then you will be able to read her bodies reactions so that you can tell what she likes as you are doing it and focus on those things that please her.  This is what makes you a pimp.  This is what will get you laid by her friends, because she will turn around tell them that you made her orgasm 3 times and they wont be able to resist.  As long as you are honest and make sure the woman knows that you respect her, but that you are there for one thing only she will respond positively.  It’s when you start lying that it can get ugly.  You don’t have to tell a woman that you love her to get her in to bed, you just have to get her to trust you and make her feel hot as fuck and let her know that you can’t control yourself around her.   When it’s done if you’re at her house go outside for some air, and then tell her you’re going to take off,  it makes it less awkward in the morning.   If she’s at you’re house, get up and get some air leaving an opening for her to leave, but you don’t kick her out that’s just crass.  Make sure to get up and leave in a hurry in the morning if she insists on staying the night.

How To Get Laid By a Man

1. Make Sure You Own the Room

   The energy you put out is very important when you are trying to score with a guy.  Both men and woman are drawn to people with charisma.  In general your not going to be attracted to a man that is stumbling around with no direction or confidence.  This is why you have to OWN THE ROOM!  Even if you don’t know where your going act like you do, act like your a badass.  You have to have it in your mind that your hot shit and everyone in the place will know that you are too!

2. Make Eye Contact

   The next step is to choose your prey.  Scan the room for the guy you want to take home.  Once you find him don’t by shy let him know your there, make eye contact and even stare a little bit.  That will make him aware that your interested and also that you are confident.  Confidence is very sexy to most men, and if its not you don’t want them anyway!  I find that if you look at a person and play out the scene that you want to happen in your head while your looking at him he will connect and most of the time will be able to read your thoughts.

3. Show Interest

   If you are just there to have sex you don’t generally really want talk.  But in order to get the guy home in some cases you will have to have some sort of dialogue.  If you are not really interested just fake that you are.  Everyone responds positively to when you seem interested in them.  So ask about their lives, job, family, dreams….. guys like to talk about themselves so if you feed their ego and they will follow you around like trained dogs.

4. Assume Control

   Many guys are afraid of making the first move especially when dealing with a one night stand.  It is more difficult for guys to read girls than vice versa.  So if you know the sparks are flying just make the first move.  Kiss him, show him that you are running the show and that you are expecting an x-rated night of fun.  And remember girls if you don’t snag him then somebody else will so don’t be afraid to be forward.Depending on you personality you will want to take one of two routes on this one:

   - Very Aggressive – Say something like “your coming home with me now!”
   (I’ve used this one it WORKS!)
   - Not so Aggressive – Say something like “Your lips look really soft.”

   * Definitely maintain that sexy stare when saying these things so that he knows you mean business.  What you say does not have to be so aggressive if you are showing him what you mean through your eyes.

   *You can make him feel like he is in control be saying something like: “So what are you waiting for aren’t you gonna kiss me?”  This way you have given him permission but he still feels like he is making the first move, even though you really did. LOL

5. Ask for Sex Directly

   Lastly at the end of the night the sex happens.  Many times you have to be the one to get him into the car and back to your place or vice versa.  Be blunt and tell him what you want, command him in the bedroom, he will like it I promise.  Once you are done don’t stay the night if this is a one night stand.  If this is some guy you just met that night that’s probably what it is.  If you have known him for a while then that’s  different story, you will just have to feel it out.  And I know girls we like to cuddle, but do not and I repeat DO NOT try and cuddle with your one night stand. That will really freak him out and honestly that is a little dysfunctional, maintain your independence and power and leave once you have gotten what you wanted.  If you ever come across the guy in the future this will make him really respect you, and know that you are a no bullshit kind of girl.