Funny Public Masturbation Tips

Proper etiquette for masturbating in public is not quite what you’d think. Half of doing it is being so very jumpy and paranoid that you aren’t going to get caught because you’re stopping every time someone comes within 10 paces, and the other half comes from being charismatic in the event you are caught.

The trick to not getting caught is to try standing someplace out of sight, or at least where half of you is hidden. Once you have this it’s only a matter of how long it takes you personally to finish. A good point to bring up is what you’ll actually be doing with your finished product, but to each his own. The three options are: tissue, letting it go wherever, and eating it. Again, do whatever you feel you should, personal preference taking priority here.

As for the charisma, there are a few ways you can chalk it up. You can lie about whatever you’re doing; you can be honest and go for shock factor. It’s actually a matter of how well you reacted to being found out. If you’re caught with your dick in your hand it’s over man. If, however, you’re merely caught with a flushed face and heavy breaths claim some sort of illness. Either way, getting away as quickly as possible is the best idea from this point.

All in all, masturbation in public is a terrible idea. I’m honestly saying you shouldn’t do it. In fact, if the urge strikes you so badly, the only place proper for such an act is the bathroom, stall preferred. Its one thing to have sex in public, where it’s frowned upon but not creepy, but masturbation in public is just downright nasty. Keep things clean, bro.

Though, the idea of impromptu masturbation can make for some amusing situations for everyone but you. Imagine walking in on your college professor with his dick in his hand and a cucumber up his ass. Hilarity ensues.

5 Responses to “Funny Public Masturbation Tips”

1. Ezzie Ez says:

   January 2, 2010 at 11:34 am

   Yeah, seeing men on the train with their members exposed is not cute. Like you said, sex in public is not the end of the world, but masturbation is not cool. Makes you look like a loser.
   What about a female though? Technological advances in toys make them small and silent which is geared towards public play. Is it frowned upon for her as well?

   http://www.hittingcorners.wordpress.com
2. Twitted by missorgy says:

   January 3, 2010 at 8:04 am

   [...] This post was Twitted by missorgy [...]
3. gulity_pleasure says:

   January 11, 2010 at 7:53 pm

   i am guilty of this. i masturbate about three times a week and at least one of those times are in public, started long ago. it’s the rush that i enjoy, but i have been very clever over the years and have never been caught… so far! (lol) but, i will admit, i am guilty of all three ways in dealing with the finished product, just another reason why it’s such a rush. i’m sure more men do this than you may think.

   Guilty Pleasure
   Los Angeles
4. Miss Orgy says:

   January 12, 2010 at 9:13 am

   Ezzie,
   that is an interesting question. It is something to think about…. if a person would be able to masturbate in public without anyone knowing that they were doing it, is it ok???

   I had a friend once that got her clit pierced and she was having orgasms randomly all of the time for about 2 months. She had them when she was walking down the street, up stairs, while in class…. etc. I could not imagine trying to hide the fact that I was orgasming…. LOL
5. Miss Orgy says:

   January 12, 2010 at 9:19 am

   Guilty Pleasure yeah the rush is the best, the closest I have gotten to public masturbation was doing it in a tanning bed. I have gotten caught having sex in public though, that was pretty funny.

   Be careful not to get caught.

   ** And please everyone that does this just make sure to stay away from children, which means its better to do at night.